Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
