I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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