Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I want her autograph on my taint
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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