I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
My financial advisor pointed out that 37% of my income is currently going towards "non-essential food items"
That's banker lingo for "you're an alcoholic"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
Randomize
