Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
