now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Someone made a mask out of a crown royal bag. Can't decide if tacky or awesome.
Randomize
