I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
