I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
