I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
