I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
