He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
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