If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
