ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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