I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
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