Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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