Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
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I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
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We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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