OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
