Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
