Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
He counted every piece of macaroni in the box and then faceplanted into the bowl
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
