smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
There are at least 3.6 billion human cocks in this world. Get some. Get as many as humanly possible. Literally. Do it. 1-2-3 go!
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
