Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
