I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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