I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
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She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
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Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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