Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
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