I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
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Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
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She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
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