I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
