Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
