this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Every concussion has its silver lining
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
