I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
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