there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
