He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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