It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I wish we couldve been like jesus and the desiples tongith
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Randomize
