She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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