No more Irish car bombs ever.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
Randomize
