I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
Randomize
