Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
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You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
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I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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