I can only masturbate in one position. It's very inconvenient.
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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