he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
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ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
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I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
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