Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
