I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
i told her she would have to blow me everytime we lost a game of beer pong, she never noticed i purposely hit our opponents in the face every other shot
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
I forgot her safe word. It was a rough night.
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