So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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