booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
He passed out mid-signature
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
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