If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I'll be there with bells on. And by "bells" I mean "jäger bombs". And by "on" I mean "being poured down my gullet".
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Randomize
