hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
It's official drugs can't kill me
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
Randomize
