this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
You stood up gave the stripper 15 ones in a wad, hugged her and then sat back down.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Randomize
