This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
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