to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
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