I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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