How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
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