So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
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