i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
