Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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