i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
Randomize
