She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
