it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
