help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich
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