You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
me + whiskey = a bad person
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
