Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
