Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I can already tell, the amount of fun I'm having right now is not nearly going to compensate for the amount of "let us never speak of this again" I'm gonna have tomorrow
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Randomize
