you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
