Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
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Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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