I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Randomize
