So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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