my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
