The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
