so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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