everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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