I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Someone signed my nipple.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
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