I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
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