I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Randomize
