Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
