it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
don't judge my taste in strippers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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