super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
